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hey there
by malice16 (malice16)
at August 7th, 2007 (02:45 am)

current mood: lonely

Hi !  I'm new here , and recently I found out about the enneagram and I was fascinated by it .
I'm definitely a 4 , not sure which wing yet.
Right  Now I'm trough a very hard time in my life and I'm kinda depressed , but I'm ok I guess.
I would like to know more about 4's relationships , because right now I'm really confused with the "relationship" I'm in , it seems to be pretty one sided , this guy does not give me  the attention I need ,  just when he wants. But for some reason I'm always there for him , even though I know hes not really interested in me. So the thing is that I I seem to want what i can't have , hes not the cutest or intelligent guy on earth but i still need his attention and I'm definetly not getting it .There  are some guys that would like  be with me , that would treat me right but for some reason I'm only focusing on what I cant   have  , or  on  whats not there for me . What I notice is that he does not see me as interesting , he thinks I'm boring  and i have found myself trying to change his mind ,I cant stand that he thinks that I'm boring or not interesting because deep inside I know I'm not like all of the other girls .Well what a pathetic story .. I just wanted to know how this could be related to the enneagram . type 4 . and sorry if this has nothing to do with it .

Has someone been is a situation like this before?

Sorry about my english , my native language is spanish so I'm doing my best :)

have a nice day


Posted by: vey`la (upwardrising)
Posted at: August 7th, 2007 11:09 am (UTC)

I was like this a bit when I was in middle school.

It may not be my place to offer advice, but this guy sounds like a zero. If he's not that into you, why bother?

It can be hard to give up that need for attention, but if you're anything like me - then it was as if winning them over was the only thing I was interested in. I'd find I had little interest in *them*, I only wanted (needed) their admiration.
And that's not fair to anyone.

I still have a hard time with rejection. But for me, it's no longer seeking attention from everyone to validate myself (at least in the way I used to). I have grown to a place where I know I'm a different, unique, fascinating person, and where most people see it and love me for it - but I remain rather fragile. My only problem comes when I'm rejected - then I begin to doubt my value & self-worth....

Posted by: outerspacenic (outerspacenic)
Posted at: September 26th, 2007 07:07 pm (UTC)

I can relate to what you're saying...I'm in a similar situation right now (in terms of the one-sided relationship)...I have a problem where my feelings intensify greatly when a guy leaves me or he's somehow inaccessible. Is this something that's characteristic of our personality type? I don't know. I do know that I often confuse my personal thoughts and emotions about the situation with what's actually happening - not that our subjectivity is invalid (because what's truth after all?), but there were times that I had unreasonable expectations of the guy, acting as if we were in a relationship and then being disappointed that he wouldn't return my call on the same day, etc.

However, if the guy can't see you for what you are worth/thinks you're "boring," then this is probably not the person you want to be with...you deserve better! You shouldn't have to prove yourself; you should just be able to be who you are. Sometimes it's hard to move on, and this is where us 4's have to attempt to transcend our emotional states and try to act upon something rational...!? Just remember, time always heals everything, and the pain you are feeling right now probably won't matter a couple years down the line. Embrace life, go out and meet new people, date other guys, embark on a journey of self-exploration...I know it's hard to do these things sometimes if you are feeling down, but what helps me is to keep the big picture in mind, and to remind myself of the massive nature of the universe and all the things in it, and to visualize my lifespan as this long thing that will be filled with many exciting adventures! haha. Good luck!

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